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When I pray, I always ask God to speak to me through His Word. When I open the Bible, I assume that God has me open it to whatever I am supposed to read that day. I have always done this, and I usually read something that really speaks to me that day. This is just the way I do it, and it works for me.
Today as I prayed, I felt like God was asking me to be silent. To just sit in His presence and listen to His still small voice. I have read some books recently which taught me this concept, and today, I felt like I just needed to listen to Him. Well, something came to my mind almost immediately. This had been in the back of my mind for a long time, but today, I felt as if God wanted me to delve in and understand this event in my life on a deeper level.
In 2011, just months before I found out that my husband had been having an affair, I began to have dreams that I was divorced. If you have read any of my past blogs, you will know that I had occasions of premonitions through dreams. My dad had this happen to him too – he dreamed that his brother was killed in a car accident, and a week later, it actually happened.
The first time I dreamed I was divorced, I just blew it off. I woke up thinking how ridiculous the dream was as I had no intention of ever getting divorced. When the second dream happened, I was a little bothered and wondered why in the world I would dream about something so crazy. When it happened a third time, I woke up confused and worried. I told my husband about the dream, and I asked him point-blank if he was going to divorce me. Although he denied that he would ever divorce me, his response was anything but convincing.
If that isn’t strange enough, around that same time, another amazing thing happened (although I didn’t understand it at the time). On at least three occasions while falling asleep, I audibly heard a voice say “Maria!” I opened my eyes, sure someone was calling my name, but no one was there. My husband was asleep next to me, and he didn’t move at all so I thought I had dreamed it. When it happened again, I thought that maybe it was an angel or even God trying to say something to me. Each time, I heard “Maria!”, clear as day, and when I opened my eyes, no one was there. My husband never moved, so clearly, he never heard it.
As I thought about these events this morning, I wondered if this was some kind of warning about what was going to happen to me later in 2011 when I found out about the affair. Was that God’s voice speaking to me?
I opened my Bible to Isaiah 41:
“Listen to me in silence…” Isaiah 41:1
This was interesting enough. But it went on:
“Do not fear for I am with you, do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand. Yes, all who are incensed against you shall be ashamed and disgraced….For I, the Lord your God hold your right hand. It is I who say to you, “Do not fear. I will help you.” Isaiah 41: 10-13
When I look back on these events, I now know that God was right there. I believe He was telling me that He was watching everything, and he knew every detail of the affair even when I had no idea what was happening. I believe this was His way of telling me that He never left my side during that time, and that even though I was going to be divorced, He would bring me through it. Even though I was about to go through hell and be yanked out of the life I knew, He would ensure that I would get through it and would end up in a much better place.
Always know that God sees EVERYTHING. He sees everything that is done in secret. He knows every insult, every lie, every betrayal….everything. Nothing can be hidden from God. On the other hand, He feels every single pain of betrayal. He sees every teardrop, feels every hurt, and goes through all the suffering with us. Remember – God was betrayed by Judas. He knows full well the pain of betrayal of someone who He believed loved Him.
He will always be with you, even when you think He isn’t there. God never leaves our side…EVER! As it is written in Isaiah 41:13, “Do not fear. I will help you.”
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The Soul Becomes Dyed with the Color of its Thoughts
Quote by Marcus Aurelius
I am the victim of an extra-marital affair. I was married for twenty years when one day I found e-mails that were being sent back and forth between my ex-husband and his paramour. That was two and a half years ago.
Since that time, I have been through intense counseling. I immediately joined a divorce support group at a local church, and I also began weekly one-on-one counseling with a professional counselor. I have been through the emotional rollercoaster that typically accompanies the process of divorce and realizing that someone who you trusted with all your heart and soul has betrayed you. I get it. I have also learned a great deal about narcissism, and I am currently writing a book on my experiences.
However, I also have a very strong belief in God. In addition to the counseling, I turned to God and begged him for His strength. I knew He was right there with me. How? Well, in addition to just “knowing” it deep in my soul, I had many, many things that happened to me during that time that told me He was right there. There is too much to tell here, but it will be available to read in my next book, hopefully to be published within the next six months. Right after finding out about the affair, I had a dream that I was walking along a stormy beach, completely broken. Jesus walked up next to me, picked me up, and carried me down the stormy beach. I vividly remember this dream. I have also read Bible passages that spoke directly to my situation, and people have come into my life that are definitely “true” Christians and who have walked this stormy journey with me without leaving my side. Finally, one day I saw a rainbow after fervently praying to God about this situation (see a previous post on this blog called “God’s Rainbow”.
When my ex was caught, he lied to me repeatedly as he was trying to cover up his actions. He also tried to blame me for all the bad things that have happened to him since the break up. He told me that it was my fault that he didn’t have any friends because I told all of my friends about the affair. At the time, I let all of those remarks affect me. I now know that the entire responsibility for the break up of our marriage lies directly on him. I have learned that I have to put the responsibility where it lies – on him. Those comments no longer affect me as I now understand the truth.
I recently had another vivid dream. The question was asked of me in my dream “what is the difference between me, my ex and his paramour?” I was quick to respond. “I have a good soul. I truly believe in God, and I did not break my marriage vows. They cannot say that. They lied, cheated, and tried to cover up their sins.” And then, several comments that had been made to me over the past few years came to mind. A priest told me “Your ex is a very weak man.” Another close friend said “A mile wide and an inch deep.” And then it hit me so hard that I actually woke up. My ex and his paramour try so hard to “look good” on the outside, but in the inside there is nothing but darkness, ugliness, deception and lies. I realized as I woke up that they are actually not only lying to me and everyone else around them, but they are actually lying to themselves. They will never truly find happiness and inner peace until they deal with all the darkness that they have on the inside. Outward appearances can be very deceiving.
The Bible says to “guard your heart”. Be careful that you are not deceived by outward appearances. You may be shocked at the inner ugliness that lurks inside. I have learned that I am certainly one very, very lucky lady. God reached down from heaven and pulled me out of a very dark and ugly situation. He actually saved me! I feel like the most blessed person in the world for God to think enough of me to yank me out of this terrible situation!! Praise be to God forever!!
This is God’s lesson to me, and it was learned by going through a very deep valley in my life. Listen to Him…..REALLY LISTEN……AND OBEY HIS COMMANDS!! You will be amazed at the inner peace that will come with His lessons. True wisdom only comes from really knowing God.