Maria Yeager

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Hearing God’s Voice

When I pray, I always ask God to speak to me through His Word. When I open the Bible, I assume that God has me open it to whatever I am supposed to read that day. I have always done this, and I usually read something that really speaks to me that day. This is just the way I do it, and it works for me.

Today as I prayed, I felt like God was asking me to be silent. To just sit in His presence and listen to His still small voice. I have read some books recently which taught me this concept, and today, I felt like I just needed to listen to Him. Well, something came to my mind almost immediately. This had been in the back of my mind for a long time, but today, I felt as if God wanted me to delve in and understand this event in my life on a deeper level.

In 2011, just months before I found out that my husband had been having an affair, I began to have dreams that I was divorced. If you have read any of my past blogs, you will know that I had occasions of premonitions through dreams. My dad had this happen to him too – he dreamed that his brother was killed in a car accident, and a week later, it actually happened.

The first time I dreamed I was divorced, I just blew it off. I woke up thinking how ridiculous the dream was as I had no intention of ever getting divorced. When the second dream happened, I was a little bothered and wondered why in the world I would dream about something so crazy. When it happened a third time, I woke up confused and worried. I told my husband about the dream, and I asked him point-blank if he was going to divorce me. Although he denied that he would ever divorce me, his response was anything but convincing.

If that isn’t strange enough, around that same time, another amazing thing happened (although I didn’t understand it at the time). On at least three occasions while falling asleep, I audibly heard a voice say “Maria!” I opened my eyes, sure someone was calling my name, but no one was there. My husband was asleep next to me, and he didn’t move at all so I thought I had dreamed it. When it happened again, I thought that maybe it was an angel or even God trying to say something to me. Each time, I heard “Maria!”, clear as day, and when I opened my eyes, no one was there. My husband never moved, so clearly, he never heard it.

As I thought about these events this morning, I wondered if this was some kind of warning about what was going to happen to me later in 2011 when I found out about the affair. Was that God’s voice speaking to me?

I opened my Bible to Isaiah 41:

“Listen to me in silence…” Isaiah 41:1

This was interesting enough. But it went on:

“Do not fear for I am with you, do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand. Yes, all who are incensed against you shall be ashamed and disgraced….For I, the Lord your God hold your right hand. It is I who say to you, “Do not fear. I will help you.” Isaiah 41: 10-13

When I look back on these events, I now know that God was right there. I believe He was telling me that He was watching everything, and he knew every detail of the affair even when I had no idea what was happening. I believe this was His way of telling me that He never left my side during that time, and that even though I was going to be divorced, He would bring me through it. Even though I was about to go through hell and be yanked out of the life I knew, He would ensure that I would get through it and would end up in a much better place.

Always know that God sees EVERYTHING. He sees everything that is done in secret. He knows every insult, every lie, every betrayal….everything. Nothing can be hidden from God. On the other hand, He feels every single pain of betrayal. He sees every teardrop, feels every hurt, and goes through all the suffering with us. Remember – God was betrayed by Judas. He knows full well the pain of betrayal of someone who He believed loved Him.

He will always be with you, even when you think He isn’t there. God never leaves our side…EVER! As it is written in Isaiah 41:13, “Do not fear. I will help you.”

Did Your Spouse Have An Affair? Advice From Personal Experience!

This morning, my mom read an article to me from Dear Abby. The discussion was about a woman whose husband was having an affair, and Abby gave her some excellent advice on how to protect herself. As my mom and I continued to talk about this article, I began to realize that I needed to write this blog for all those people out there who might be in a similar situation. About 3 1/2 years ago, I was a victim of an extramarital affair, and I somehow managed to do things right and received a great divorce settlement. Interestingly, I did exactly what Abby advised the young woman to do in her column!

In January, 2012, I was horrified to learn that my husband of almost 20 years was having an affair. Although I would have done a few minor things a bit differently, I was able to keep it together enough to handle the situation and divorce quite effectively. So, I would like to share some advice with those spouses who unfortunately are facing something similar today, especially with all the media coverage of the Ashley Madison controversy.

Before I begin, I would like to make it clear that I do strongly believe in reconciliation. If there is any chance that you will be able to reconcile with your spouse, by all means, do it. Divorce should only be an option when all other avenues have been exhausted. This advice is for those couples who are definitely headed for divorce as the result of an affair.

  1. As soon as you find out about the affair and upcoming divorce, CONTACT AN ATTORNEY! This is the first and most important step. Expect your spouse to be upset that you have done this. He/she will suddenly change into this person that you never knew. Lies will start to pour out of him/her like a faucet as he/she tries to justify his/her actions. Your attorney should do this, but make sure that all your assets are frozen. By doing this, your spouse will not be able to move any money around in the accounts and will not be able to remove any property from the marital residence without your consent. If possible, try to get this done within the first few days of learning about the affair/upcoming divorce.
  2. If you have evidence of the affair, be sure to make several copies and have at least one copy in an undisclosed location that cannot be accessed by your spouse. Be sure to give one copy to your attorney as soon as possible. If your spouse finds copies of the evidence in the marital home, you can be sure he/she will destroy them, so get them out of the house ASAP.
  3. DO NOT allow your spouse to intimidate you! He/she will try just about anything to get you to “calm down”, and may even try to get you to get rid of your attorney. DON’T EVER GET RID OF YOUR ATTORNEY! That would be the biggest mistake you could ever make. PROTECT YOURSELF – THAT IS YOUR NUMBER ONE CONCERN! Focus on that, and let the distorted words of your spouse roll right off your shoulders. Again, this is very difficult to do, but it is necessary and will be worth it in the end.
  4. Get into some kind of counseling as soon as possible. You will need a strong support group during this time. Check out your local church for Divorce Support groups, and search for a one-on-one counselor who specializes in family or divorce counseling. This is one of the most important steps of the process as you will learn that YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME even though it is highly likely that your spouse will try to tell you otherwise. Also, support from family and friends is incredibly important. Search out and talk to those family members and friends that you can truly trust.
  5. Do not move out of your house. Leaving the property may give your spouse ample opportunity to sell off items in the home or even sell the house itself if your name is not on the mortgage. Even if the attorney freezes everything, your spouse may still try to sell things, so do not trust him/her AT ALL! Unless you feel you are in immediate physical danger, stay in the house so you can keep a close eye on your property.
  6. You have more rights than you think you do, especially if you have been married for an extended period of time. Talking to an attorney will help you to realize that fact. Let your attorney do his/her job. I know they are expensive, but in the end, it will be worth it. Mediation is a viable alternative, but I strongly advise that you have your own attorney. If you move forward with a divorce through mediation without an attorney, you may not get everything that you are entitled to receive. Legal advice is imperative at this time.
  7. Give it all to your attorney. If your spouse harasses you during this time, don’t let it bother you. Forward all this information to your attorney and let him/her deal with it. You are paying them a lot of money, so let them deal with the problem. You have enough to get through on your own.
  8. Finally, lean on God. Prayer is one of the most invaluable gifts during this horrible time, and believe it or not, your faith can grow much stronger during this process as you learn to lean on God and trust him.

It is important to reiterate that your spouse will change in dramatic ways as he/she tries to justify his/her actions. You may come to question whether or not you knew this person at all. DO NOT beat yourself up for not seeing the signs. DO NOT blame yourself for not having better judgement. The affair is NOT YOUR FAULT. The responsibility lies solely on your spouse who had the affair. Make him/her take responsibility for his/her actions. Know that YOU ARE A WONDERFUL PERSON!

I hope this advice will help those who have to go through this now or in the future. My heart breaks for you as this is one of the worst things a person will have to go through. It is just like a death in the family. Just know that there IS light at the end of the tunnel!

May God bless all victims of affairs, and may he envelop you with His peace!

 

 

Blinded by Deception – a new book about narcissism

Are you interested in learning more about Narcissistic Personality Disorder? Are you looking for ways to effectively deal with a narcissistic individual in your life while enjoying a fictional story? My new book, Blinded by Deception: Life With a Narcissist might be just what you are looking for. This books delves into the life of Nikki Redding and her struggle to survive for twenty eight years in a narcissistic environment. It describes the life events that cause so much confusion and frustration for Nikki early in her life. Once she hits rock bottom, she begins to learn about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD, and begins her long healing process. Through the support of her friends, both individual and group counseling, and her faith in God, she is able to pull herself out of the depths of distress and into a life full of love, hope, and joy. You will be cheering Nikki on as she travels this long road to her eventual healing! The book is available on Amazon and is available in print and on Kindle. I hope you enjoy it, and I hope that it will bring healing to others who read it!

Click on the link below to go directly to the book on Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/Blinded-Deception-Narcissist-Maria-Yeager/dp/151168030X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1429559955&sr=8-1&keywords=blinded+by+deception

 

 

Discovering the Meaning of True Peace

File:Flame-Color.jpg

The Soul Becomes Dyed with the Color of its Thoughts

Quote by Marcus Aurelius

I am the victim of an extra-marital affair.  I was married for twenty years when one day I found e-mails that were being sent back and forth between my ex-husband and his paramour.  That was two and a half years ago.

Since that time, I have been through intense counseling.  I immediately joined a divorce support group at a local church, and I also began weekly one-on-one counseling with a professional counselor.  I have been through the emotional rollercoaster that typically accompanies the process of divorce and realizing that someone who you trusted with all your heart and soul has betrayed you.  I get it.  I have also learned a great deal about narcissism, and I am currently writing a book on my experiences.

However, I also have a very strong belief in God.  In addition to the counseling, I turned to God and begged him for His strength.  I knew He was right there with me.  How?  Well, in addition to just “knowing” it deep in my soul, I had many, many things that happened to me during that time that told me He was right there.  There is too  much to tell here, but it will be available to read in my next book, hopefully to be published within the next six months.  Right after finding out about the affair, I had a dream that I was walking along a stormy beach, completely broken.  Jesus walked up next to me, picked me up, and carried me down the stormy beach.  I vividly remember this dream.  I have also read Bible passages that spoke directly to my situation, and people have come into my life that are definitely “true” Christians and who have walked this stormy journey with me without  leaving my side.  Finally, one day I saw a rainbow after fervently praying to God about this situation (see a previous post on this blog called “God’s Rainbow”.

When my ex was caught, he lied to me repeatedly as he was trying to cover up his actions.  He also tried to blame me for all the bad things that have happened to him since the break up.  He told me that it was my fault that he didn’t have any friends because I told all of my friends about the affair.  At the time, I let all of those remarks affect me.  I now know that the entire responsibility for the break up of our marriage lies directly on him.  I have learned that I have to put the responsibility where it lies – on him. Those comments no longer affect me as I now understand the truth.

I recently had another vivid dream.  The question was asked of me in my dream “what is the difference between me, my ex and his paramour?”  I was quick to respond.  “I have a good soul.  I truly believe in God, and I did not break my marriage vows.  They cannot say that.  They lied, cheated, and tried to cover up their sins.”  And then, several comments that had been made to me over the past few years came to mind.  A priest told me “Your ex is a very weak man.”  Another close friend said “A mile wide and an inch deep.”  And then it hit me so hard that I actually woke up.  My ex and his paramour try so hard to “look good” on the outside, but in the inside there is nothing but darkness, ugliness, deception and lies.  I realized as I woke up that they are actually not only lying to me and everyone else around them, but they are actually lying to themselves.  They will never truly find happiness and inner peace until they deal with all the darkness that they have on the inside.  Outward appearances can be very deceiving.

The Bible says to “guard your heart”.  Be careful that you are not deceived by outward appearances.  You may be shocked at the inner ugliness that lurks inside.  I have learned that I am certainly one very, very lucky lady.  God reached down from heaven and pulled me out of a very dark and ugly situation.  He actually saved me!  I feel like the most blessed person in the world for God to think enough of me to yank me out of this terrible situation!!  Praise be to God forever!!

This is God’s lesson to me, and it was learned by going through a very deep valley in my life.  Listen to Him…..REALLY LISTEN……AND OBEY HIS COMMANDS!!  You will be amazed at the inner peace that will come with His lessons.  True wisdom only comes from really knowing God.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

God’s Rainbow

Rainbows are such a beautiful occurrence usually seen after a thunderstorm.  This wonderful natural phenomena forms when the sunlight reflects off water droplets.  However, rainbows are also mentioned in the Bible and are a sign of the covenant between God and man.  Although I have seen many rainbows in my lifetime, one sticks out as exceptionally special.

Several years ago, I was devastated to learn that my husband of twenty years was involved with another woman.  After the initial shock wore off, I went through a period where I was on an emotional roller coaster.  It was certainly the worst time of my life, but I kept praying constantly.  About a month after he moved out, I was in my office going through some paperwork in anticipation of the end of my marriage.  While I was working, an afternoon thunderstorm passed through, and right about that time, everything just hit me.  I broke down and sobbed as I just could not believe that this was happening to me.  I strongly opposed divorce, and now it was right in my face.  Even though I knew it wasn’t my fault, the thought of being divorced made me sick.  I begged God at that moment to help me to get through this horrible time in my life, telling Him that I couldn’t do it without His strength. Finally, the thunderstorm ended. Wiping the tears from my face, I got up from my computer and peeked out the window. To my glorious surprise, I was looking directly at the most beautiful rainbow that I had ever seen!  Knowing the biblical history of rainbows, I knew at that moment that God had heard my prayer and that He was going to get me through this.  Now, 2 1/2 years later, I am the happiest and most fulfilled that I have ever been.  I am certain that God carried me through this valley and brought me out on the other side a much better person!

“And God said, This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth.  Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind.  Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life.  Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind of the earth.” Genesis 9:12-16

“Then there came a voice from above the expanse over their heads as they stood with lowered wings.  Above the expanse over their heads was what looked like a throne of sapphire, and high above on the throne was a figure like that of a man.  I saw that from what appeared to be his waist up he looked like glowing metal, as if full of fire, and that from there down he looked like fire; and brilliant light surrounded him.  Like the appearance of a rainbow in the clouds on a rainy day, so was the radiance around him.” Ezekial 1:25-28

“At once I was in the Spirit, and there before me was a throne in heaven with someone sitting on it.  And the one who sat there had the appearance of jasper and carnelian.  A rainbow, resembling an emerald, encircled the throne.” Revelation 4:2-3

“Then I saw another mighty angel coming down from heaven.  He was robed in a cloud, with a rainbow above his head; his face was like the sun, and his legs were like fiery pillars.” Revelation 10:1

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